


A High Functioning Love

by LisakomTrikru



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Autism, Autistic!Lexa, F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-17
Updated: 2019-11-14
Packaged: 2020-01-15 15:35:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 12,581
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18501895
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LisakomTrikru/pseuds/LisakomTrikru
Summary: An online dating fanfic about Lexa Woods who has high functioning autism and Clarke Griffin who is a paramedic. The story about two different people, how they fall in love and everything in between. Happy ending for Clexa!





	1. They meet

**Author's Note:**

> Hi guys! This is my first fanfic in about seven years so please be patient. It's loosely based on how me and my boyfriend met. Have a good time!

LexaRexa. The name is glaring at her. After her therapist told her it was time to start exploring the outside World Anya had the fabulous idea of online dating. Which was relatively fine by her, she never planned on meeting the girls anyway. 

 

Lexa never understood why Anya insists on becoming more outgoing as it may change her life. She is 22 years old, lifes in her own apartment and works as a writer for several newspapers which she can do from home. So all in all she thinks her life is pretty damn good. It didn't matter to her that she had no friends besides Anya and she only leaves her home for grocery shopping. 

 

She has always been different and since her diagnosis of high functional autism she finally knows why. Anya has become even more protective of her. Hence her therapist Indra who after three years of guidance told her to go exploring as her anxiety attacks are getting better with each appointment. 

 

Anya made a list - Lexa loves lists - of things she could do that she would still be comfortable with. None of those offers suited her that much so she just closed her eyes and pointed at the paper. That led her up to this moment, sitting in front of her laptop, her sister by her side, creating her online dating profile.

 

**Name:** **LexaRexa**

**Age:** **26 years**

**Hobbys:** **Writing**

**Music:** **Anything that's not too loud**

**What to know about me:**

 

The last question stopped her. On one hand she is not sure whether or not she wants the internet and so the women near her to know that she has autism, most people in her life reacted badly when she told them. On the other hand it would make things that much easier. There would be no need for her to explain herself all the time, well that means if someone spend the time reading something about her condition. Lexa ponders over the question for several more moments then she decides to stop being afraid.

 

**What to know about me: I have high functioning autism.**

 

“Good choice”, Anya glances over her shoulder, “the last thing you need to do is choose a cute picture for a profile and you’re ready to go.”

 

“Are you out of your mind? Everyone will recognize me if I go outside.”

 

“Don’t be such a drama queen. You’re cute, let the girls know.”

 

Lexa just rolls her eyes and jugs a pen at her sisters head. Catching it with ease Anya throws it right back and hits her square in the forehead. “Don’t roll your eyes at me young lady! I’m just trying to help you with your love life.”

 

“I do not want a love life An. I’m only doing this because Indra told me to and I trust her. But I wouldn’t mind some conversations with women who have the same interests as me.”

 

“God you’re boring.” Knowing that her little sister is stalling Anya grabs her laptop and searches for a good picture. She then clicks on the “Upload” button and a message pops up on the screen. 

 

_ Thanks for choosing our website! _

_ After our verification of your profile you’ll receive an email. _

 

Lexa stares at the screen for a moment then turns to Anya.

 

“You wanna stay for lunch? I wanted to make homemade pizza.”

 

“Count me in kid.”

 

“Stop calling me that!”

 

“No.”

 

**___________________**

 

Clarke Griffin closes her apartment door promptly sinks against it and lets out a deep breath. 48 hours. 48 hours of trying to help people, of screaming, of crying. God she hates the brutal accidents and today it was one of the really bad ones on the highway where a lot of vehicles were involved. Even Though she loves her job, sometimes she’s afraid of going to work. Being a paramedic is more difficult than not. But it’s the job she has been doing for three years now and it will probably stay with her for the rest of her life. She just loves helping people too much. One of her roommates pokes her head around the corner.

 

“You alright there Griff?”

 

“Honestly? No, work was hell today.”

 

Octavia nods systematically and moves to help her friend. She has known Clarke since kindergarten, knows exactly how fragile her blonde friend can be. The advantage of their long friendship is that she has just the idea how to cheer her up.

 

“Come on Clarke. I’ll run you a nice and warm bath and you can relax for a bit huh?”

 

“Thanks babe, you’re the best.”

 

Clarke slips out of her work boots and jacket and makes her way to the bathroom. She is relieved to have Octavia by her side, the only one missing is her second roommate who is at work. Raven, whom she met in college where they were hooking up during a party. The friendship was born on the morning after while they went for breakfast and decided they liked each other but hooking up should stay a one time thing.

 

Lounging in the bathtub she thinks about the last to days, trying to cope with what she saw. In all these years I never got easier and she suspects it never will. After a few unsuccessful tries she grabs her phone that she always puts besides the bathtub and opens Instagram to distracht herself. Five minutes later Clarke is already bored and after complimenting she opens the dating app she uses since about two months.

 

She is not very fond of online dating but working such crazy hours makes it nearly impossible for her to meet new people. So Clarke decided to give it a try and had a few dates with a lovely woman named Niylah who was certainly impressed by her job but didn’t want a relationship with someone who is never around. Since then there was no one who catched her interest enough to get an evening off but she liked to scroll through the suggestions to pass time.  

 

Clarke stopped at the picture of a beyond cute looking woman with brown, wavy hair and eyes as green as the forest. She looked amazing with her high cheekbones which were dotted with freckles. Without realizing it she clicked on the profile and read her name.

 

_ LexaRexa. God that’s adorable and she even lives close by. _

 

Should she sent her a message? Her last dating attempt failed and after that she just did not have the motivation for another try. But it would only be one message. How could it hurt? Clarke decided to just go with it. Worst case scenario is that she gets no answer.

 

_ Hey, I know it is cliche but I saw your picture and you are just too cute not to write you. I hope you are doing well and have a lovely day!  _

_ Clarke _

 

God here goes nothing. Embarrassed Clarke drops her phone on her towel and sinks back in the now lukewarm water.

 

**____________________**

 

After finishing lunch Lexa and Anya sit on the couch and are watching a movie, laptop forgotten on the couch table. It made the sound of an incoming email. Lexa moved to look at its screen and looked confused on the notification. “Wow that was fast.”

 

“What?” Anya peeked curiously over her shoulder, “ wow kid, you already got a message. Chop chop open it!”

 

Her sister is right and with a deep breath Lexa clicked on the message and opens it.

 


	2. Chat Conversation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Second chapter is up! I actually have no beta reader for this and I’m from Germany so please excuse any spelling mistakes.

Clarke0507: Hey, I know it is cliche but I saw your picture and you are just too cute to not write. I hope you are doing well and have a lovely day! Clarke

 

Lexa squints her eyes at her laptop, her head slightly tilted to the side. “She says I’m cute. Is that good? I mean is that flirting?”

 

Anya shakes her head with a fond look in her eyes. Her little sister was always completely oblivious to flirting and anything that has to do with someone expressing feelings. “That's great! You gonna write her back?”

 

Lexa hesitates for a moment before answering, “I don’t know, I mean I’m not interested in a relationship, so would I not kinda lead her on? Besides look at her profile, we don’t have anything in common.”

 

“God Lex, don’t make a science out of this. You can always tell her that you’re not interested in having dates, she is a big girl and can handle this...well I hope. But don’t tell me she is not cute, because I would go for her and I’m usually not into blondes.”

 

“Okay fine but what do I say?” Lexa trusts her sister more than any person on this planet even more than her parents. Anya was always there for her, in kindergarten when the bullies wouldn’t stop, in high school when the teachers couldn’t understand why they needed to be careful with her and during college. 

 

Anya lays a comforting hand on Lexas shoulder, “just be you kid. Write what comes first to your mind. She needs to like you for you.”

 

“I don’t need her to like like me, I just need not to be called a freak and have a nice conversation for once.”

 

“Well go on then, try it.”

 

LexaRexa: Hey, thank you I guess. First I feel kind of obligated to tell you that I’m not on this website to look for a relationship, I’m just doing it because my therapist said I need to be more outgoing and I randomly picked this option. 

 

They waited a for minutes for the reply.

 

Clarke0507: Well that’s fine. My job is not exactly the best for a relationship. So let’s agree on talking? We could get to know each other. I know it is pretty well unorthodox but I just wanted to ask what for does a lovely woman like you need a therapist if you don’t mind me asking? You can never be too careful on the internet.

 

Most people would be offended by the question as it is pretty straight forward but Lexa likes it. As Anya always says she has no filter and no sense of sensitivity. It is quite refreshing to talk to someone who is the same and not weirded out. 

 

LexaRexa: Did you not read the information on my profile?

 

Across town Clarke looks at the message and draws her eyebrows together in confusion. What’s that supposed to mean? She clicks on LexaRexas profile and reads it again. Suddenly it dawns on her what her chat partner meant. She has high functional autism.

 

Clarke is no stranger to autism, it was covered during her training to being a paramedic so she knows what to expect. Does it bother her? No, she knows that most people have heard about all the stereotypes that come with the diagnosis but fortunately she is aware that every person is different. You really have to get to know the person and not just judge her beforehand. With that thought she writes her next answer.

 

Clarke0507: I read it know and I just have to say that it does not change a thing. I don’t form an opinion on someone without knowing them. May I ask you what your real name is? Calling you LexaRexa might get confusing with time.

 

Lexa and Anya stare at Clarkes reply dumbfounded. They were expecting about anything but this. Anya is the first one to find words. “Well that girl is certainly something different.” Her little sister agrees.

 

LexaRexa: My name is Lexa. Thanks for being so understanding.

 

Clarke0507: It changes nothing about who you are and that’s the only thing I want to know. Thank you for telling me your name. In case you couldn’t tell my name is Clarke. Your profile says that your hobby is writing, what do you like to write about?

 

LexaRexa: I’d say that I write about anything that comes to my mind but my favourites are fantasy books. Your hobby is painting, any favourite motives?

 

Clarke0507: I’m a sucker for fantasy books! I loved Lord of the Rings, read all of the books in one weekend! Well I really enjoy to paint sceneries but with my job there is just no time.

 

LexaRexa: Where are you working?

 

Clarke0507: I’m a paramedic at the local hospital. And you? What do you do for a living?

 

LexaRexa: That’s quite impressive. I’m writing for several newspapers so I can pretty much work from home. I tried to work in a office for a long time but it just didn’t like it you know? Too much noise and too many people.

 

Clarke0507: Wow not bad? What about your fantasy stories? Yeah I get it, you have trouble with handling all the noise and things that you see right? People with autism have serious trouble with processing all those external stimuli if I remember my training correctly. 

 

Again the sisters are quite stunned. Looks like Clarke really knows what she is talking about. If she is being honest Lexa is quite impressed and thinks that this online dating thing is not as bad as she thought. 

 

Before Lexa can write the next message Anya stands. “Well kid I have to go. I have a very busy day tomorrow and want to get enough sleep.”

 

“What are you talking about, we just had lunch?”

 

“Look at the clock kid, it’s almost six. I want to go know to avoid the traffic on my way home.”

 

Lexa stands up, gives Anya a quick hug - she still is not used to touching people even her own sister - and sits back down, “write me when you get back and thanks for your help.”

 

“No problem kid! I hope you have fun with Clarke!” and with that Anya is out of the door.

 

Clarke0507: You still there?

 

LexaRexa: Yeah sorry, my sister was with me and I was saying goodbye.

 

Clarke0507: No problem, so tell me what do you like to do in your freetime?

 

Their conversations goes for another few hours. Clarke eventually leaves the the bathtub and goes to her room and Lexa lounges on her couch. Their first encounter leaving them both with a warm feeling in their chests.

 


	3. Getting to know each other

 

They spent the next few days just talking and getting to know each other. The first thing they learned was that they really don’t have very much in common, the second thing is that it doesn’t really matter much. 

 

Lexa for example learned that Clarke loves her job but also hates seeing injured children, they usually give her nightmares. She always loved to draw but never wanted to make it her everyday job. She has a large group of friends most of them she knows from high school and college, Octavia being the only exception. 

 

Clarke learned that Lexa has been writing since high school, it helped her cope with the bullying from her peers. She loves working from home as she is most relaxed here. She doesn’t have many friends, well the only ones being her sister Anya and their cousin Lincoln. So okay maybe she doesn’t have friends only relatives she talks to on a regular basis and they get her and understand to an extent how she sees the world. 

 

Today Clarke has a rare day off and spends of with her two roommates. They decide to go for a late lunch and are heading off a few minutes later. Half an hour later they are seated at their favorite restaurant and are chatting away. Octavia leans forward in her seat and smirks at Raven, “do you think know is a good time to ask Clarke about all the messages she received the last few days?” Raven grins right back at her, “I would vote yes and if we're at it we can ask her who got her smiling like that.”

 

“You don't know anything about being subtle huh?” rolling her eyes Clarke smiles at her friends, “I actually met a women on the app I met Niyah. I don't know we're just talking about everything and nothing really and she is different.” That got Octavia to raise her eyebrows, “In all the years I've known you never said that someone is special. Who the hell is this woman?”

 

“Her name is Lexa, she is a writer and lives in the city. She just has something about her, she doesn't want a relationship, she just wants to talk and that's kinda refreshing.”

 

Raven holds up her hand, “wait, hold up. She is on a dating app but doesn't want a relationship? That's I don't know kinda odd. What's up with her?”

 

Clarke gets angry at that. She doesn't know why but knowing that Lexa has autism Raven's comment just doesn't sit right with her and before she can stop herself she snaps at her friend, “Lexa has autism so it's very hard for her talk to new people and I think it's very brave of her and not odd!”

 

Her friends blink at her, too shocked to say anything. Octavia is the first to recover, “wow, Clarke you really care for her.” Raven is quick to join in, “I’m sorry, I was an asshole. She really sounds like a brave person. Tell us more about her.”

 

That got Clarke smiling again and she has a little spark in her eye, “okay, let me start from the beginning.” 

 

____________________

 

Lexa has a bad day. In the morning she slept past eight o'clock, so her schedule was messed up. To make matters worse she accidently bought the wrong shampoo which to others may seem insignificant but to her it's a huge deal. She likes things to be the same, same time to get up, same shampoo, same cereals so all in all the same routine everyday. It's not that she has tantrums anymore if something changes but it leaves her on edge the whole day. She kinda hates to admit it but she is looking forward to the messages from Clarke. They became part of her day and a pretty nice part of it too. 

 

The sound of the closing door pulls her out of her thoughts and she frowns, Anya didn't notify her that she is coming today. She knows Lexa doesn't like to be surprised, she likes to prepare for certain things, a visit from her sister for example. 

 

"Hey kid! I'm sorry I didn't call you but I haven't heard from you in a few days, I was in the area and thought I could look after you." Anya appears in her living room and sinks down beside her on the couch. Lexa tries to hide the website on her laptop but she is too slow in doing so and her sister catches a glimpse of it. 

 

"Wait a second, is that the dating website that we made a profile for? You're actually still on that?" 

 

Lexa thinks about lying for a moment but there's the glee she always feels when she gets a message from Clarke. She is not stupid, even if she is not an expert with feelings she knows that it's probably not just anticipation. She should just go for it and have that awkward talk with her sister but at least she is smarter after it. 

 

"Yeah, I didn't give it up yet and there is something I wanted to talk to you about concerning the dating site. I erm I think I met someone?" If it wasn't such a serious topic she would've laughed at the way Anya almost snapped her neck with how fast her head whipped around to look at her, "you did what? I thought you said you met someone."

 

"Yeah I think you called it that. Look the women - Clarke - who sent me a message the day we made the profile? We started talking and have been ever since. She is really nice and never said anything about me not wanting a relationship. She kinda gets me I think? And you know the best part? She doesn't think I'm creepy or strange or weird, she said I'm adorable. I like that I really do but every time my laptop or my phone beeps with a new message from her I get this fuzzy feelings and I don't know what to do."

 

Anya is looking at her little sister, speechless. Never in all this years she has she seen so much emotion from her sister when another human being was involved and frankly she is not sure whether she is happy or concerned with this development,"I get why you're nervous about this but Lex as long as you're happy and she is good to you there's nothing to worry about. Try to just embrace it as it comes, I know now that is very hard for you but please try okay?" 

 

Lexa nods, "okay I'll try."

 

"Good now why don't you tell me more about Clarke." 

 

Anya has never seen a smile spread so quickly on her sisters face. 

 

"Where should I start? Oh I know she has two roommates Octavia and Raven…"

 


	4. Chat Conversation II

**Clarke0507** : I'm very sorry I didn't sent you a message yesterday. I was out with my roommates and I just didn't have the time. I know routine is important to you and you probably were out of it. Is there something I can do? 

 

Clarke desperately hoped for an answer,the guilty feeling eating away at her. Her friends told her that Lexa is a big girl and could handle one day without a message but she knew that it isn't that easy. When she saw the typing symbol an the chat her heart felt a lot lighter. 

 

**LexaRexa is typing.**

 

**LexaRexa:** Hey Clarke. Yesterday was a pretty bad day all in all but Anya was there and she helped to dwell some of the anxiety. Thank you for your concern tho. 

 

Well not exactly friendly like always but Lexa talks to her, she'll take it. 

 

**Clarke0507:** I'm very very sorry! I won't happen again I promise. Was the anxiety that bad? Did you need to do something against it? 

 

**LexaRexa:** No, fortunately I went away on its own. I have like a special technique that helps me with it but I don't want to bore you with it. How was your day with your roommates? 

 

**Clarke0507:** You don't bore me you know that! Tell me about it :) Yesterday was pretty good it was overdue, we had a lot of fun. 

 

That made Lexa pause. She knew that Clarke was pretty interested in her diagnosis and asked a lot of questions to understand her better but she had still trouble to believe that she is the first human being besides her family that is not bored or sometimes frustrated by it. The warm feeling in her chest increased tenfold. 

 

**LexaRexa:** I'm glad to hear that, from what I remember your friends are very important to you right? Like family? Well as for the anxiety attacks it always helps me to wear comfortable clothes, they have to be soft that always calms me down. I cuddle up on the couch with hot chocolate and a good movie. 

 

She doesn't know why but imagining Lexa in soft pyjamas with her cute glasses sitting on the couch and cuddled up in a lot of blankets starring transfixed on the screen made butterflies swirl in her stomach. 

 

**Clarke0507:** I have to be honest, that image is quite adorable :) Yeah as I don't really have family besides my mom the rugrats kinda became my family. They are like your soft pyjamas on a hard day for me. How is work? 

 

**LexaRexa:** Quite good, I have interesting topics so the articles kind of write themselves. I hope it stays that way for some time. How have you been at work? There weren't any big accidents on the news so I guess nothing that terrible happened? 

 

**Clarke0507:** No, it was quite good. Some little accidents nothing to worry about. I'm quite glad I can't quite shake off the accident a few days ago. Sometimes it's hard. 

 

Lexa pauses, she's afraid what she wants to say next is too childish but Clarke always calls her adorable and she asks Anya that means something good so maybe she should try it? 

 

**LexaRexa is typing.**

 

Then she stops and deletes it. To hell with it. 

 

**LexaRexa:** You could try watching Brother Bear. It's one of my favourite movies actually. 

 

Lexa can feel the heat in her cheeks she prays Clarke doesn't see her as a child for still watching Disney movies. 

 

**Clarke0507:** Do you have any idea how cute you are? Seriously I never met anyone like you. 

 

**LexaRexa:** I hope that is a good thing?

 

**Clarke0507:** Yes don't worry :) 

 

**Clarke0507 is typing.**

 

**Clarke0507:** Lexa I know it's not your thing and you'll probably say no but would you like to meet up for coffee some time? You could choose the time and place so it would be easier for you? 

 

Lexa never expected Clarke to ask her to meet on real life so she had no time to prepare for it but what she really didn't expect is that the proposal didn't scare her off as bad as she thought. Maybe it would be quite nice to meet with Clarke and there was a coffee shop right opposite her apartment. She would be home in a few seconds if she so desired. Also Clarke kind of makes her feel safe. 

 

**LexaRexa:** Actually there is a coffee shop near my apartment. We could meet there if you like. 

 

Okay Clarke that is it. She said yes, not that she expected it but her heart felt like it beat out of her chest. Don't fuck this up! 

 

**Clarke0507:** That would be lovely, how about sometime next week? You like to prepare for stuff like this right? 

 

Lexa couldn't stop the stupid grin from forming in her lips, Clarke remembered. 

 

**LexaRexa:** Yeah, nice that you remembered. 

 

**Clarke0507:** Anytime! So it's quite late I'm gonna go to bed alright? 

 

**LexaRexa:** Of course sweet dreams Clarke! 

 

**Clarke0507:** Good night Lexa! 

 

Later when Clarke is laying in bed one thought suddenly pops into her head and doesn't let her sleep for the most night. Did she ask Lexa out on a date? And did Lexa really accept? Well that depends on whether the brunette thinks of it as a date or not. This thing suddenly got way more complicated.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys new chapter is out! Some of you may think that Lexa agreed to quick on this date for someone who has autism but please bare in mind that it works different for every person. My boyfriend asked me out after a few days too and as Lexa feels with Clarke I felt understood and safe so I decided to just go for it.
> 
>  
> 
> Happy Easter to everyone! :)


	5. Excitement

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Thanks for all the kind words!  
> Here is chapter 5 :)

One thing Lexa knows for sure is that Clarke may be one of the cutest humans she ever met. during the last days she did everything in her power so the brunette did not get nervous, she hardly talked about their meeting with the exception of arranging a suitable time for both. Clarke simply tried her best to at as normal as possible and that gives Lexa enough time to prepare herself. One of the things that causes the most anxiety is doing something unknown or going to an unknown place. She doesn't really know whether it feels that way for everyone but it helps her imagining every detail of their date. She prepares for everything that could possibly happen, it puts her at ease.

 

Tomorrow was the big day, they both hoped there was no accident so Clarke can finish her morning shift as planned. Well there are a few moments were Lexa wished the blonde couldn’t make it, the excitement getting the best of her.

 

Lexa paced in her living room she just couldn’t hold still. Should she maybe call Anya? Her sister always knew what to do. Before she can think about it she grabs her phone and dials the number.

 

“Hello? Lexa? Is everything okay? You never call.”

 

“I have to tell you something but you need to promise that you won’t freak out okay?”

 

“Now you are scaring me a little kid.”

 

“It’s something good, I think. You remember Clarke right? Well she asked me if I want to meet her for coffee and I kind of said yes? We are going to meet us tomorrow at the coffee shop across my apartment and I’m getting really nervous.”

 

There is stunned silence on the end of the line for several seconds.

 

“What? You...what? You have a date tomorrow?” 

 

That gets Lexa to frown. They are meeting up for coffee but that doesn’t mean that it is a date right? Clarke surely would have said something if that is the case….right?

 

“It’s not a date Anya. Clarke simply wants to meet, so we can talk in person you know?”

 

“Kid don’t take this the wrong way but if someone asks you to coffee on a dating site it usually is a date even when you told them you don’t want a relationship.”

 

That...okay well that makes sense. God, she agreed to go on a date with Clarke. Her stomach turns. Clarke is really really great but there is a reason why she doesn’t want a relationship. Lexa tried it one time with a girl she really thought she could trust and it went horribly. Costia didn’t understand her at all and no matter how often Lexa tried to explain things to her it always led to more and more arguments till they broke up.

 

“Lexa? You still there?”

 

“Yeah, sorry I just...I don’t know if I want to do this again. Last time was bad enough, maybe I should write her and cancel.”

 

“No you won’t Lex. I know, trust me I know how hard it was but you told me that Clarke gets you and that you feel safe with her. Did something happen that changed that?”

 

“No! No, actually she goes out for her way to make this as comfortable for me as she can.”

 

“Then what are you so afraid of? Just go meet her tomorrow and if you feel uncomfortable you can straight go home.”

 

“Just because she understands and kind off likes me know doesn’t that mean that she will do so in the future. I’m complicated An, you and I know that.”

 

“So you think the more she gets to know you the more it will change her mind? That’s bullshit Lexa!”

 

“Anya you know I hate it when you swear!”

 

“I’m sorry kid but you are not complicated, you are a special woman with many facets and that makes you interesting. If she doesn’t see that she’s dumb and doesn’t deserve you anyway!”

 

“Thanks, that is very kind of you to say.”

 

“Don’t worry so much and you’re welcome kid. Do you need anything else? My break is almost over.”

 

“No, I think I’m good.”

 

“Alright. Try to relax and call me tomorrow when you get home. I love you.”

 

“I love you too Anya.”

 

And with that the call ended and Lexa tried to distract herself with the new book she bought a few days ago.

 

____________________

 

Clarke stands in front of her wardrobe, hands on her hips and frown on her face. She just doesn’t know what to wear. Should she go for casual? It’s a coffee date so it would be kinda weird to show up in a dress...right? No casual it is. She searches for her favourite jeans and her favourite hoodie. Tomorrow is not about looking hot or sexy and she likes that about her date with Lexa, it’s not about appearances but about being comfortable with each other. Her roommates told her that it might be a bit weird to pick out her outfit the day before but as her morning shift lasts for about 12 hours from 4am to 4pm she doesn’t quite trust her judgement to pick out something reasonable. 

 

Clarke is really nervous and it’s the first time too. Usually she is really calm and collected, it’s just a date. What’s the harm right? But with Lexa it seems that everything is different, she is like a delicate flower very sweet and beautiful to look at but very fragile at the same time. She just hopes that everything goes well tomorrow, she is not really prepared to let Lexa go just yet.

 

With the last glance at the clock on her nightstand she packs everything she needs for her shift in a backpack, says goodbye to Raven and Octavia and heads out of her apartment.

 

Only twelve hours to go.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact: As in the story I didn't know that I agreed to go on a date with me now boyfriend, a colleague told me that it is meant as a date but there was not enough time to change so I went in a Assassins Creed hoodie.


	6. The Date

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Sorry for the long wait! Juggling your own apartment, boyfriend, dog and two jobs sometimes is really stressful but here is the new chapter :)

Lexa has been nervous the whole day, looking out of the window over to the coffee shop again and again, trying to calm down. She has two hours left and with each passing minute her anxiety level rises but at the same time there is a calmness in her that stops her from freaking out and she is really certain who the cause for that is.

 

She doesn’t really know why but she is not nearly as nervous as she has been for the dates she had with Costia, what is there about Clarke that makes her so different from all the others? Maybe tonight she can get an answer to that and there she is thinking about it again, so much for distracting herself. Anya offered to clock out early from work so that she could be there for her even though they recently got a new colleague that needs to be trained but Lexa declined. Her sister's job as a social worker is tiring enough as it is and Anya shouldn’t always have to play the babysitter for her, she did that for too long. She feels better since she started the new therapy with Indra and it’s time that Anya gets some rest, she needs the chance to love her own life.

 

Lexa looks at the coffee shop for another few minutes, then heads for the shower. It is almost time.

 

“Jesus Clarke, calm down! You’re starting to make ME nervous and I’m not going on this date.” Harper, her fellow paramedic, rolls her eyes. Clarke stops her fidgeting and grins at the blonde on the driver seat next to her. Her shift is almost over, she gets so see Lexa soon and she is excited as hell. Okay she barely has time to change after her shift so she has no time for makeup and hair but Lexa is not the type to pay much attention to such things and for that she is glad. It will probably be the most relaxing date she has ever had.

 

“Who on earth is this person that got you so excited? I hardly see you like this, especially because of a woman.” Harper grins at her for a short moment then she fixes her eyes on the road again.

 

“Harp, she is just special you know? Different than anyone I met. She just says whats on her mind, no filter at all, she is interested in all kinds of things so talking to her is never boring and she doesn't want a relationship so it's more like hanging out.”

 

She feels Harpers stare on her.

 

“Wait wait, hold up. She's not interested in a relationship but you have a date with her tonight? That doesn't add up. You sure this is a date?

 

Clarke frowns because well she never quite thought about it like that. She knows that Lexa has no desire for a girlfriend but still she thinks of them meeting as a date. How does the brunette feel about this? Is this a date for her as well? God she should have been clear about this, why did they never talk about it? With all her other dates things were always clear, meeting for coffee or going out to eat equals going out in a more or less romantic scene, well okay is always ended in one night stands but still Lexa thinks differently than most people.

 

She is not capable of reading between lines or knows about costums. Clarke remembers how she told her that her ex girlfriend was making innuendos of having feelings for her and was sad that Lexa never reciprocated till she found out that the brunette had absolutely no idea what was happening.

 

“Clarke is everything okay? I’m sorry if I said something wrong.” Harpers hand covers her own softly and squeezes to pull her out of her thoughts.

 

“No, it’s alright and you didnt say something wrong. You’re actually right and I noticed we never talked about it, now I don't know where we stand and that kinda sucks.”

 

“Everything is gonna work just fine you’ll see.”

 

Clarke leans her head against the window. “I really hope you’re right.”

 

Lexa chooses a seat near the door like she always does on the rare occasions when she visits a place like this. It’s not meant as an escape route but it calms her that she could. She is actually pretty early but she likes to be, that way she can get a feeling or the place she is in, for example where the restrooms are, what they offer to drink and to eat and various other things. Knowing is the key for calmness, anything unknown causes anxiety. Talking to the employees is difficult enough, she doesn’t need other things to occupy her further it often leads to a panic attack. Her leg bounces like crazy and her hands shake so she thinks she should probably only get some tea or water but before she can get up her eyes land on long and strong legs which are stopping right beside her. Lexa knows who this legs belong to and her heart starts beating fast and her palms are wetter than ever before.

 

“Hey Lexa, nice to finally meet you in person.”

 

God that voice, it makes her feel really funny and her stomach explodes with butterflies. She looks up and sees Clarke for the first time and as cheesy as it sounds she stops breathing for a second. The eyes were really blue on her profile picture but they are even more beautiful in real life.

 

“Are you okay? Is it too loud or too crowded in here? Would you like to go somewhere else?”

 

Clarke is getting concerned, the brunette hasn’t said a word and she didn’t even move, she just kinda froze. Lexa blinks and nearly swoons, the blonde remembered and may even be the first person outside her family who pays so much attention to her condition. Her throat is dry so she takes a quick sip of her tea.

 

“Hey Clarke, no everything is good you’re just very pretty and I like your legs they’re really long.”

 

The the surprise of both women the comment doesn’t cause awkward silence, Clarke has to smile at the bluntness and Lexa can’t help but smile herself and then lower her eyes while a bunch spreads her cheeks.

 

“Why thank you”, Clarke smirks, “I’m going to get me some coffee I’ve been awake for a while now. You want some too?”

 

“No, I’m not supposed to drink coffee, anything with too much sugar really. You know too much sugar makes you nervous and kinda edgy? It's way worse for me and can cause a panic attack."

 

"Okay understandable that you avoid it. You want some tea or water then?"

 

"Tea would be great, anything with berries please."

 

"Coming right up!"

 

Clarke leaves the table with an extra spring and steps up to the counter. Lexa looks after her and thinks that this may be the most comfortable she felt with another person and she's excited about what's to come. This will be a great evening.

 

The blonde in line for some drinks can't help but grin to herself, she's not one for relationships but damn her if she let's this beauty get away from her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do not worry, the other part of their date will come in the new chapter. Lexa will tell Anya about it and Clarke will have a word with Octavia and Raven.Wish you a nice day! :)


	7. The Aftermath

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is the new chapter guys! Hope you like it :)
> 
> And thanks for all your kind comments! You are the best :)

Anya has been by Lexa’s side since she can remember, well since her little sister was born. She was 5 to that time and even this young she’s sworn herself that she will do anything to protect her. Lexa has always been a private person, not needing other human beings to entertain herself or for being happy. Which is fine but over time the family noticed that she had absolutely no idea how to behave around other people. That leads to more and more awkward moments and that in turn lead to Lexa to stop trying at all. So you can maybe imagine Anya's surprise when her baby sister told her about going on a date and while telling that gloating like she won a role in the new Lord of the Rings series. She was seating on hot coals till the brunette called almost seven hours after their date began.

 

“I swear to god she is kind of perfect, I’ve never met another person who I actually want to spend more time with, not less. You now like Legolas met Gimli and they kind of hate each other but then become the best of friends? I always thought people suck but then I met Clarke and she is kinda cool and perfect. Did I mention that already?” 

 

And that is something Anya was fairly sure she would never hear something like that.

 

“That sound promising, was she nice to you? Or did she like say everything super slow and stress every word like Costa did?”

 

“She was absolutely fantastic, always a little careful about me and me being nervous about my sourindings. We talked about so many and different things, well I mostly did the talking. You know I tend to ramble in such a moment and I basically told her about my whole life, I just couldn’t stop. Clarke listened and asked questions.”

 

“So not as bored as you thought she would be?”

 

“No, not at all and talking to her never got boring. Most people tend to shut down when I talk about my favourite movies and all, she hates science fiction but she listened and asked questions about it.”

 

“I’m glad you had so much fun. Does that mean you’re seeing her again?” 

 

Anya is almost scared to ask that question. Chances are that Lexa takes this as a positive thing but continues to hide in her apartment.

 

“Well I kissed her and in those romantic movies you made me watch they always go on a second date after a kiss right? So I asked her for a second date.”

 

Anya feels her jaw going and her fingers going slack and the phone falls out of her grasp. Lexa, not interested in any human contact or relationships kissed another woman and that quite willingly apparent in the nonchalant tone of her sister. She faintly hears her sister calling her name and picks up her phone.

 

“You did what?”

 

“We talked about me always being careful and not just doing things, how she put it? Oh yeah doing something for the hell of it and she said I should do something now you know without thinking of the consequences.”

 

“And you kissed her? You know I love you but don’t you think it’s shitty to do so without feelings for her? You know she suggested going on this date which I think means she at least fancies you to some extent.”

 

There is a long silence on the other end of the line and Anya doesn’t know what to make out of it.

 

“Why did you do it anyway? I thought you don’t want a relationship.”

 

Her question is followed with another few seconds of silence.

 

“Lexa are you okay over there? Want me to come over?”

 

“Actually yeah, there is something I want to talk to you about.”

 

“I’ll be right there.”

 

____________________

 

“How was it?”

 

“Is she nice?”

 

“Is she pretty?”

 

“Are you going on another date?”

 

Clarke holds up her hand demanding silence. She takes off her jacket, her shoes and grabbing a beer out of the fridge on her way to the living room where she plops on the couch, opening her beer and taking a deep sip. Octavia and Raven watch her, their concern growing by the second, it usually isn’t like her to be this quiet. Clarke looks at her roommates and takes a deep breath.

 

“It was...fantastic guys. She is very beautiful, intelligent, caring and we talked for three hours.”

 

Raven sits on her left side, Octavia takes place by her feet and speaks up.

 

“But that’s good right? You don’t seem as excited as you should be right now.”

 

“At the end of our date she accompanied me to my car. We talked about her being more spontaneous and them she kissed me and I kissed her back.”

 

Raven blinks at her, not knowing what to make out of that statement. Lexa seems like a dream and she kissed her, why in the world is Clarke so down?

 

“She kissed you and you kissed her back? Is she a bad kisser? I don’t see what the problem is.”

 

“There was no problem, it was great.”

 

“Then what IS the problem?”

 

“Afterwards she asked me if I wanted to do this again, tomorrow, same place and all.”

 

Clarke feels the eyes of her best friends on her and she knows that right this moment they don’t know what troubles her about this date. She is used to one night stands and as Lexa herself she was not really interested in a relationship even though the date was her idea but she was intrigued with the brunette and now they have their second date tomorrow, what a mess. But the thing that stresses her the most is that she can’t wait for tomorrow either and that the idea of a relationship with Lexa doesn’t scare her as much as it should. 

 

“I didn’t want a relationship and she neither so what good can come out of this if we continue to see each other? None of us has a good track record with dating either so I don’t think it will work out that well. Also I’m working all the time and if I’m being honest I don’t think I’m relationship material. I like my freedom to much.”

 

Octavia gets up from her seat on the floor, moves to stand in front of Clarke and takes both of her hands, rubbing them softly.

 

“Clarkey you’re scared. This is the first woman in a long time that makes you want a relationship with her and that is fucking scary, I know but don’t freak out and ruin something good for you. Whether it stays a pen pal friendship or grows into something more. Take it one step at a time and most important talk to Lexa about your concerns, she is the only one who can tell you if she has problem with your workload but honestly? I don’t think that is a problem at all. Lexa likes her freedom, as do you, if you think about that for a second it sounds like a match made in heaven.”

 

The blonde studies her friend for a moment then looks to Raven who nods with a soft grin. She considers everything her friend said and realises that she is right especially because Lexa is a person you talk about everything with, she even craves it. The brunette needs to know what happens in your head.

 

“You’re right, as always. Thanks guys for talking some sense into me. I will talk to her tomorrow.”

 

Raven almost jumps in her lap and now her face is wearing a full blown grin.

 

“Now Tell. Us. Everything! She must be awesome if you have your panties in a twist.”

 

“Alright, alright. First she starred more than she talked but after some time….”

 

____________________

 

It takes Anya only ten minutes. Now that Lexa had time to think about what she said on the phone she should have worded things differently. It sounded way more dramatic than it actually is and she is almost sure that her sister is worried about her. Lexa has barely opened the door before she is enveloped in a quick hug.

 

“Are you really okay? It didn’t sound like it. What do you need to talk about?”

 

“Everything is good. I’m fine, there’s just something troubling me that’s all.” 

 

“Come on, let’s go sit on the couch then we can talk about it.”

 

The two sisters move to sit in the living room. Lexa stares at her hands, thinking about how she wants to say what bothers her.

 

“The date was fantastic, I’ve never felt so comfortable with someone I just met and at the end I kissed her, what I really really liked. I kissed her because I wanted to, not because I wanted to do something for the hell of it. I thought about how good it actually was and then I asked her if we could meet again. Tomorrow. She said yes, but on one hand Clarke told me herself that she doesn’t do relationships but on the other had she suggested the date. What are we doing right now? Are we friends? Are we dating? Is she my girlfriend? I have absolutely no idea, which makes it impossible for me to relax I hate undefined things.”

 

Anya is stunned, that’s quite a lot that is bothering her baby sister especially because it’s the first time that Lexa developed feelings for someone, real feelings not just gratitude that she felt for Costia and she has to admit that there is not much she can tell her to comfort her.

 

“I know you are scared, you feel things you never felt before. You can stop talking to Clarke and go back to how things were or you go slow and most important you talk to her. You need to be honest, she needs to understand and then you go from there.”

 

“I’m always honest you know that. I planed on telling her tomorrow.”

 

“Good plan! How are you holding up?”

 

“Surprisingly calm, Clarke is an understanding person, I think she understands about everything.”

 

“I’m actually very glad you met her, she is good for you. Now that we have that heavy stuff out of the way, tell me everything!”

 

A grin spreads across Lexas face as she recounts the evening and Anya can help but smile as well.

 


	8. The Second Date

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I know it took me awhile to write this chapter. Life has been hectic but one thing I wanted to say is that this story will be finished, I just don't know how long it will take so bear with me. Thanks guys you are amazing!

The next day and Lexa is right there, the same seat as yesterday and she is feels ready this time. Well okay she feels better than the first time she was here but know she knows the outline of the coffee shop, the toilets and already met someone of the staff. Her tea stands in front of her, right next to a cup of coffee and a some baked goods she got for Clarke. Lexa sorts through everything she wants to tell the blonde when she gets here, the date was great, she likes to have a second one and go from there. She talked to Anya the evening before, told her all the things that swirled in her head and her sister helped her in aligning the right things. 

This time when legs appear in her vision she is prepared and can't help but smile at Clarke, who is standing in front of her and smiling right back. 

"Hey there, did you wait for long?" 

Lexa just shakes her head, a blush coating her cheeks. 

"Good, I was worried. Sorry I'm late there was a accident that we had to take care off."

"No problem, you're saving lives that's pretty important. I erm I got you coffee and something to eat, I figured you might be hungry."

Without thinking about it Clarke presses a kiss on Lexa's hair and sits down next to her but the brunette stiffens at first not really used to being touched without warning and finds that she really doesn't mind. 

"You are an angel, thank you very much Lex."

And soon they are talking about anything and nothing just like yesterday, the more they talk they more they notice that there is hardly anything they have in common but here comes the thing they are not bothered by that, it makes they're conversations interesting. Despite them having such a lovely talk they both knew they needed to talk about what's happening between them and ironically they both were afraid of each others reaction. Clarke is the first one to take a deep breath and just goes for it. 

"Lexa, listen I need to talk to you about something. It's about the last few weeks. I know you are not interested in a relationship, I thought so too but over the time you changed that. I really like you and I'm not scared when I think of a relationship with you. That doesn't mean that we have to date straight away but I would like to know you better and as more as a friend. It's alright if you don't want the same, we agreed on something different when we started this whole thing, I just wanted to be honest with you."

Clarke finishes her small speech and stares at Lexa trying to read her facial expression. The brunette is speechless, she expected something way different than what her friend just told her. She expected rejection, Clarke letting her down easy because she thinks Lexa is just too weird or complicated for her and if she is honest it kind off broke her heart a little bit but as it turns out the beautiful blonde actually feels the same. And sometimes she thinks life can be so easy if you're just honest with each other. 

Now the hard part begins, Lexa has to risk the fall again as she did with Costia and she has to trust Clarke to catch her if needed. Like a free fall, she takes together all her courage and steps over the edge. 

“That's well, I wanted to talk to you too. I know I'm bad at this but just bear with me okay?”

Clarke nods, the signal for Lexa to go on and take all the time she needs. She's not worried over the lack of answer, she knows the brunettes mind works differently.

“Okay so I talked to my sister yesterday, because I don't know what we're doing here. I looked it up at website for relationship advice. There I found an article about dates and we'll according to that site we're dating, like we had a date and we kissed which we both liked. You liked it right?"

Clarke can only nod, too amused with Lexa right now. 

"So good, you liked it too and we now have our second date. I'm surprised because the thought of dating you doesn't scare me, well not much anyway so I think I want to give it a try but you have to guide me because I have no idea how any of this works."

Looking at her handwritten notes Lexa is pleased to see that she covered any point that she wanted to talk about. Was that too clinical? 

Clarke on the other hand can't stop grinning. The woman is simply too adorable for her own good. She's glad that she had the guts to talk to Lexa because sometimes things can be simple. She bends over the table to take the brunettes hand in her own. 

"I'm glad that we are on the same page. I would love to see how this can develop so I let's do it slow? Just see how it goes? We can talk about, how would you say? Any further development when we see fit" 

A smile begins to firm on Lexas face, more radiant than anything Clarke has seen in her young life. 

"I would like that very much. Thank you." 

Clarke answers with a smile of her own. 

"Would you like another tea or maybe some hot chocolate? We could stay and you know maybe talk some more?" 

Lexa just grins and nods. It looks like this could be truly the start of something wonderful. 


	9. Baby Steps

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As a thank you for all the lovely comments and kudos here another update! You are amazing :)

Life can be so simple sometimes, like the talk they had in that coffee shop that day but unfortunately it never stays that way. Things have been hectic for both of them so their next meeting was one week later in Lexas apartment, to make things easier for the brunette.Going out still wasn't something that she liked so the decision was easy. 

 

Clarke had a rough couple of days, many accidents one harder than the other so she her mood wasn't particularly good and she longed for a few relaxing hours with her...girlfriend? They still had to talk about that part but as promised the blonde tried to take it easy. 

 

She finds herself on Lexas couch with ordered pizza and beer for her and a coke for the brunette. 

 

Lexa was nervous the whole day, but she wanted to show Clarke that she could do this. It took her a couple of minutes talking herself into it but she managed to get some beer for the other woman. All she had in her fridge was coke and well chocolate milk….so not really suitable for a date. Afterwards while she was cleaning her place she looked around, her eyes stopping at the most precious things she owned lined up in a shelve. There were a few lightsabers, the helmet of Darth Vader, her letter from hogwarts including the books list and some sweets - all a gift from Anya - books and magazines on true crime, Lord of the Rings, Star Wars and so on. Her eyes glide to the various movie posters on the walls, god this place really looks like a child lives here. Should she maybe hide something? Make it look more adult? No, she is tired of hiding the things that make her Lexa, Clarke will have to have to deal with it.

 

Next step, pick an outfit for tonight. It needs to be something presentable. She wished she would feel comfortable in jeans but she can't stand the fabric, its itchy. At home she almost always wears her sweatpants but as Anya once told her it's usually frowned upon in public. One shopping trip later and her sister introduced her to the wonder of leggins. Soft and comfortable but still good for the public eye. 

 

She picks her favourite kind, soft socks with christmas pattern on it - she loves Christmas, it makes her happy. A quick look through her t shirts and hoodies, all of them with either a Star Wars, Lord of the Rings or Harry Potter theme. Okay well...dang even those are not very adult but okay, she picks her favourite hoodie. There is the sign of Assassin's Creed printed on it, but it could be mistaken for something else so there.

 

At first Lexa thought about cooking something for Clarke but she remembers the last incident. She mixed up some spices as she tried to cook some spaghetti with tomato sauce...she had to throw her meal away and her stomach hurt for three days so the idea is quickly dismissed and she decides on ordering pizza. There's nothing that could go wrong with pizza. 

 

Clarke stares at the door of Lexa's apartment for a couple of minutes now. She knows it's just a casual evening but still she cant help and be nervous. Okay girl, get yourself together. Just ring the bell, she is probably as nervous as you are.

 

Clarke could already feel her tension melt away as the door to the apartment opened, Lexa in the doorframe looking sinful good in leggins and a hoodie. The blonde would never admit it to anyone but she looked up a few things Lexa mentioned on the internet. First of all to have a clue about the brunette was talking about and well to impress her. The knows the symbol on the black hoodie but needs a moment to remember it.

 

“Hey you, thanks for the invite. I missed you."

 

A blush coats Lexa's cheeks as she opens the door to let her guest in. 

 

"I missed you too. Please come in."

 

There they are, standing awkwardly next to the closed door, neither of them knows how they should greet each other probably. Clarke is the first one to move and pulls Lexa in a hug, slowly and carefully so the girl has some time to know what's coming and to prepare herself for it. The brunette tenses at first, like she did in the coffee shop but feels her body relaxing quickly. As they part Clarke takes a moment to take in the apartment, it's as cute as she expected it and then some. Everywhere a posters and cute little nick nacks, a shit ton of books and it's so Lexa. She feels at home immediately. 

 

"I like your place, it's very you. So cute and cosy."

 

Lexa still doesn't know how to react to compliments, so she just settles for a smile and guides Clarke to the couch in the living room. 

 

"I thought we could order pizza, I'm not really good with cooking well anything so."

 

"That sounds lovely. There's nothing better than a relaxing evening with a gorgeous woman and pizza."

 

That earns Clarke a quick kiss to the cheek. Bevor she can react Lexa already vanished from the living room only to return a few moments later with a cold beer in her hand. 

 

"Here I bought this for you. Thought it would help you relax some more."

 

"God can you get any more perfect than this?" 

 

Clarke takes the bottle out of the brunettes hands, puts it on the table and pulls her beside her. 

 

"Thanks for that, you really are perfect. I'm going to kiss you now okay? Is that okay?" 

 

Lexa's heart stops for a second before pounding in her chest. She closes her eyes, hoping Clarke takes it as the go signal. 

 

Their lips meet, Clarke really tried to make it brief but damn the brunettes lips are so soft so she grabs Lexa's neck and starts kissing her harder. It's one of the best kisses that Clarke shared with someone in her young life but it's shattered when she feels two hands pushing her away. She needs a few moments to compose herself, as she does she wants to ask Lexa what happened but is met with the sight of the brunette rocking back and forth, her arms slung around her knees that are drawn to her chest. Okay something went wrong,really wrong. Clarke knows that this is what a overstimulation looks like but she is at loss at what to do. They never talked about what Lexa would need in this situation but she knows better than to touch her. She read online that often makes things even worse. 

 

Clarke has an idea, it's risky and she is unsure whether it will work or not but it's worth a try. In her research of all things that Lexa likes she stumbled upon the soundtrack of one of the girls all time favorite movies, Lord of the Rings. She spent a few hours of listening to the soundtracks as they're surprisingly good. There is this song, right at the beginning of the first movie "Concerning Hobbits" and she starts to hum the melody, hoping to pull Lexa out of her head. 

 

It takes a few repeats of the song but then Lexa's body starts to relax till she's curled up on the couch. An overstimulation always makes her tired and she longs for a short nap. She knows Clarke probably blames herself and she wants to reassure the blonde that everything is alright, it was just too much at once but she needs a few moments to calm herself. When she's ready Lexa sits up, she considers taking Clarke's hand but the woman has been silent the last minutes and has put as much space between them as the couch allows. 

 

"I know you probably think I'm a freak and I get it you know. It's okay if you want to leave now, I wouldn't hold it against you."

 

Of all the things Clarke thought that Lexa would say this definitely wasn't on her mind. She knows that she should have been more careful, that she did too much too quickly without giving the brunette time to adjust. The fault is on her and even now Lexa blames herself. 

 

"Oh honey no, it was my fault. I should have stopped but I didn't and it was too much. I'm really sorry."

 

Lexa looks at Clarke as though she's grown a second head. This woman really is something else and a warm feeling spreads through her body but there is still a part of her that is weary. Costia was understanding too at the beginning but over time she got annoyed with the slow pace of their relationship. 

 

"Clarke, I know that it's hard being with someone like me, you don't have to sugarcoat it."

 

"Listen to me and listen to me good. Yeah sure it may be difficult at times but for me it's more important how you make me feel and you make me really happy. I want to explore this relationship between us and I don't give a damn about slow we do this okay? Now how about I make you some hot chocolate and you show me the first movie of Lord of the Rings?"

 

And just like that things were okay. They both know everything's fresh but if they trust each other and more importantly talk to each other, things could really be okay. 

 

Lexa shows her beautiful smile and even touches Clarke's hand for a second. 

 

"That would be lovely thank you. And you know we could maybe work on the whole touching thing. I just need to get used to it, so you know.."

 

"Lexa Woods, I like the way you think."

 

With that Clarke gets up and Lexa follows her into the kitchen for a round of hot chocolate.

 


	10. Things I Learned About Lexa

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey my friends! I'm on a roll, next chapter for you :)

One thing Clarke internalised during her training is when she learned something new to write that shit down. So she made a list with things she learned about Lexa which give her a kind of security and during the last weeks after their first kiss the list started growing rapidly.

 

1\. Lexa is probably one of smartest people she met - because she rather stays inside she has a lot of time to read and she likes learning new things

2\. Lexa is not fond of being touched, especially when she just met someone - with time she gets used to it and likes it even

3\. Do not ever touch something of her stuff without asking first! (Which honestly is pretty hard because Raven and Octavia probably even wore some of her underwear at some point, they just share everything)

4\. Lexa hates loud noises and music but only and ironically only when it's from someone else (There has been a time where Lexa started blasting a song from Iron Maiden without even flinching but got angry when she did the same a few days later)

5\. Do not under any circumstances use sarcasm - Lexa takes everything you say literal (there was the lightsaber incident where she combared her precious possession to a flashlight and afterwards they had their first fight)

6\. Lexa lives and breathes chocolate in every form she could get her hands on and it always makes her happy

7\. She really is the worst cook there ever was (one time they wanted to make popcorn and Lexa almost burned the microwave down)

8\. Lexa has her routines that are not do be disturbed - it makes her anxious and can result in what she calls a “panic attack”

9\. She also has a certain place for everything and gets really cranky if something is moved

10\. She always goes to the same supermarket

11\. There is absolutely no article of clothing thats free from any geek motive (and as she discovered recently Lexa is also a huge fan of Frozen, she even owns socks with Elsa and Olaf on them)

12\. Lexa hates meeting new people - they never understand her and most people think she is well strange

 

Things have not always been easy, they had a lot of misunderstandings but most of them were quickly solved. They still talked a lot which really helped in getting to know each other better and better. Even though Clarke has a lot that she needs to pay attention to she never has been happier. Looking at the last point on her list again her mind wanders to a conversation they had yesterday while watching a movie cuddling on the couch the brunettes apartment.

 

“Clarke I think I want to talk to you about something.”

 

That sentence usually frightened her in other relationships, it never meant something good.

 

“What do you want to talk about?”

 

“We`ve been dating for some time now, we had a few dates and I think it's working really well, so I think you should be my girlfriend.”

 

That right there is what Clarke likes about Lexa the most. She always says what she thinks, she doesn't sugarcoat it and even the clinical way she was just asked to be her girlfriend just makes her feel warm all over.

 

“I'd love to be your girlfriend Lex and I'm really proud of you champ! Taking such an important step in our relationship.”

 

Clarke can practically see how Lexas chest puff out at those words, her girl just likes being praised.

 

“Good and well I know we always spent time at my apartment which I dont think is very fair to you, so I talked to Anya yesterday and I think I'm ready to spent an evening at yours.”

 

Clarke knows she sounds ridiculous but she is so damn proud of her baby and kisses her to show her just how proud she is. Mentally she adds another point to her list.

 

13\. Lexa always has this dreamy look when we kiss

 

“I'm really proud of you. Tell me when you want to come over so I can tell Octavia and Raven to spent an evening away from the apartment.”

 

“Well I thought that they could you know stay? You're always so tolerant about all the things I need so I thought I would do something for you for a change and your friends sound pretty nice, so I want to meet them. Meet the people that are important to you.”

 

Clarke is absolutely at loss for words, Lexa pulls all register tonight. 

 

“That would be really great. You know what, you could bring your sister. I could meet her and you had like a anchor for the evening.”

 

“Sure I'll ask her, but I don’t need her anymore. You're like my new anchor, I feel safe with you. You would never let anyone hurt me. I won’t lie, I’m really nervous but I want to do make you happy, so I want to try”

 

Even she doesn’t know it Lexa is one of the most romantic people and tries everything to make her happy even when that scares her

 

“We could make it a dinner party. Getting to know each other, having fun maybe play a couple of board games, I know how much you love those.”

 

“That sounds really good. How about Friday? You have an early shift right?”

 

“Yeah Friday sounds good, I tell O and Raven when I get home.”

With that Clarke cuddles up to Lexa, feeling like she is floating and Lexa? Lexa has a new favourite thing in the world. It’s the way the blondes hair tickles her neck when she is close like that.

 

_________________________________________________

 

After Clarke is gone Lexa calls Anya telling her about their plans for Friday and hears nothing but silence on the other side of the line when she is finished. 

 

“Anya, are you still there? Did you drop your phone again?”

 

More silence and just as she is about to hang up her sister finally answers her.

 

“We’re doing what now? 

 

“I want to come with me on Friday to meet Clarke and her friends.”

 

“Lexa did she force you to take drugs? Or I don’t know alcohol? Are you really feeling okay right now?”

 

“Yeah I feel fine, I’m drinking hot chocolate.”

 

“It’s just..I’m surprised. I took you awhile to introduce me to Costia and that was because she said she’d break up with you if you don’t.”

 

“Clarke is special. She looks after me all the time and I don’t know I want to do something nice for her. That’s what you do for your girlfriends right?”

 

“Wait hang on. She asked you to be her girlfriend? Please tell me she didn’t just because off Friday.”

 

“I asked her actually.”

 

There was the silence again.

 

“What on earth is happening right now?”

 

“What I thought you would do something like that when you like the person you’re dating and when it’s going well. You told me that.”

 

“Yeah, that’s what people do but I never thought that you would be the one to pop the question so to speak.”

 

“Well I like her and I kind of like the thought of she being mine so I asked her and she said yes.”

 

“You know Lexa I’m really happy that you found her. She changes you but in a good way.”

 

“She makes me really happy.”

 

“Yeah kid, I know. Anyway I’m coming with you on Friday, I’m not passing up the chance to meet this girl.”

 

“Thanks I let her know and uhm how was your day? Was it okay?”

 

Lexa stayed on the phone with her sister for another hour before finally going to bed. The emotions from that day draining her and making her tired.

 

_________________________________________________

 

 Clarke greets the sight of her two roommates laying on the couch watching some show and passing a bag of chips back and forth. Raven is the first to hear the arrival and shoots her a grin.

 

“How was the evening with Lexa?”

 

It only takes a few steps before the blonde is standing in front of the couch and with a smirk plops down on her friends.

 

“Good god Griff, you’re heavy get off.”

 

Clarke barely dodges Octavia’s hand as she tries to shove her off the couch.

 

“You mean how was the evening with my girlfriend?”

 

She can’t help it she is too happy and too excited to keep it to herself any longer. The statement brings her warm smiles from Raven and Octavia.

 

“Good for you. Finally brave enough to ask her huh?”

 

“Actually O she was the one to ask me.”

 

“Clarke, me and O are really happy for you. Sounds like you made quite the catch there.”

 

“Thanks guys, that actually means a lot.”

 

Finally pulling herself in an upright position and off of her roommates Clarke snuggles on the couch herself. 

 

“Listen, what are you to doing on Friday? Lexa proposed a dinner for all of us, she would come here with her sister Anya.”

 

“I think I’m free, I get off about five so that should be enough time right? What about you O? You there for the big evening?”

 

“As I would miss it.”

 

“Great. I’ll tell her tomorrow.”

 

She stays with her roommates for a bit till her eyes start to drop on her own. As Clarke is ready for bed and slips under the covers she can’t help but think about Lexa and falls asleep with a smile on her face.

 


End file.
